Saturday, July 28, 2012

Lost time

When I first decided to give up my career and stay at home with my son I lost the ability to judge time. When I was in school and at work I knew what day of the week it was, what the date was, and how much time had passed without looking at a clock. I ate, slept and socialized on a schedule. The people I knew and hung out with kept the same schedules as me. I watched regularly scheduled TV shows and never skipped an episode. Even when we added DVR, my life left time to watch the show live. But now, my natural ability to keep up with time has completely left me.

Allow me to stray off course to get to my point (a quirk of us southerners).  My son loves to watch Disney Junior and Sprout. I'm a semi-strict momma and limit him to a couple episodes of Mickey Mouse and Super Why first thing in the morning. This fact appalls some people that I allow my toddler to watch TV but it doesn't bother me at all. I love that he will sit still through an entire episode of Mickey Mouse. This gives me time to get woken up and most importantly...down a few cups of coffee to help me function throughout the day. It also gives me a few moments to get things done that I can't while he is free to roam; like cleaning with certain chemicals, take a quick shower, or you know...go potty in peace.  This past week while he was watching his shows, a kiddy commercial came on and it asked "Do you know what day it is?" A short pause followed and then came the answer. "That’s right. It's Tuesday!"

I stood there floored. Tuesday?! I thought it was Monday. Scratch that; I was positive it was Monday. I have a calendar that is located on our fridge. It is the keeper of the days. It is the teller of time. It is my crutch that I lean on to make me do what needs to be done. The command center! All our activities and schedules are there. Nicely organized and color coordinated. (A little bit of OCD paradise if you will) All the days are crossed off up until Monday.  It can't be Tuesday because I have stuff to do. A Tuesday appointment had been moved to Thursday thankfully. But I had regular stuff that if I fall a day behind on I will never catch back up (laundry especially).  I check the TV. We have DVR and have a few of my sons shows recorded. No such luck. It's live TV.
It seems I had lost a whole day in a matter of minutes. I had that little bit of dread of knowing I was now tasked with trying to catch up with the time I "lost." My first task, of course, was crossing off Monday on the calendar. I don’t need to “lose” any more days. It really should come as no surprise that this happens quite often now that I am at home 24/7. If a task doesn't make it to the to-do list, it will most likely be forgotten. My day's routines are all dependent on my son right now. I don't sleep until he does. I rarely wake before him. My DVR is full of shows I have yet to make it to. I know the passage of time only by meal schedules and dryer buzzes. "Eat!" my son will say. Is it really lunch time already? Buzz!!! Wow those clothes dried fast. The new mother forgetfulness has yet to subside,
Don't get me wrong, I love staying at home! I never have cases of the "Mondays" and I love the added perk of taking a lazy day and just hanging out with my kiddo. But these little slips of lost time are now so important. My son is growing up so fast. And losing a day means losing precious moments I could spend with him that are instead spent in catch up mode. I am sure I will soon gain back my ability to keep better track of time. My home decor will eventually stop being littered with little post it notes scribbled with reminders. But, until then, I have mountains of laundry to catch up on and a sweet little boy making a mess of his toys.

God Bless!

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